3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
