pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Floor bacon is actually really good
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
