Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
