If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Randomize
