you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
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i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
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I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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