the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Couch. On fire.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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