M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
