you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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