I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
