just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
