quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
