When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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