Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
