Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
