We're like a lot better than the average bears
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Randomize
