Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
