Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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