i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
