I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
