i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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