tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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