I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize