I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
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I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
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1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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