The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Just high enough for therapy.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Randomize
