Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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