Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
This house was built for laser tag.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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