I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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