Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
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