i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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