cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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