Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
