This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
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just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
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the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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