you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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