i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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