i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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