Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Just puked most of my soul out..
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