arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
