drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
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I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
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I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
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