But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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