How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
