So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
We left the knife in your bed.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
