I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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