Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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