It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Also, beer. Big fan.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
