Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Mom said you looked used
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
