I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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