You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official drugs can't kill me
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
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