I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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