I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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