Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
