You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
