I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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