If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize