Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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