wanna go halves on a baby?
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
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