he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
