The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
