It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Randomize
