gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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