remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
this just has baby written all over it
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
