Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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