ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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