I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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